On Self-Identity

Nathaniel Fox, Booey Skunk and Augustus Gator had spent a good part of the day up to this point wearing themselves (and Albatross, too) out in some unusual ways. Kit had sent the children off to Albatross’ house to help him do some gardening. Nate attempted to help by pulling weeds out of the flower garden. He ended up mistakenly pulling some of Albatross’ favorite flowers out of the dirt and leaving the weeds behind. Gus was inside doing dishes, but he could not clean them enough to suit Albatross. Booey was stuck in the wild onion patch with Albatross. Booey was having a terrible sneezing fit. The stink of onions was too much to handle.
Albatross rushed this way and that, picking up after everyone else. Finally, he decided they had helped enough.
"Alright! Nate, I think I hear your mother calling you for dinner."
"I didn’t hear anything," answered Booey.
"No, no, no…I definitely heard her calling," said Albatross.
"Dinnertime? We just ate lunch a short while ago," answered Nate.
"Anytime is time for food," added Gus.
Nate put away the last of his dishes and then decided it might be time to go home. There was nothing worse than missing a meal.
"Okay, I guess we’re finished here," said Nate.
"Thank you very much."
"Is there anything else we could do?" asked Booey.
"You’ve done plenty," answered Albatross.
"Alrighty then," answered Booey.
The trio went to the Nate’s house in search of dinner. As they neared the old Oak tree, Nate sniffed the air.
"Do you smell that?" asked Nate.
"Smell what?"
"I smell turkey," said Nate.
"Really? I don’t smell anything," said Booey.
"I don’t smell it either, but if Nate says there’s turkey cooking, then I believe him. I love turkey," said Gus.
As they entered the old Oak tree, Kit was busy tending the stovetop.
"Before we eat, I'd like you gentlemen to wash your paws in the stream." They washed their hands and then quickly returned. They sat patiently in their chairs, waiting for their plates to be filled with dinnertime goodies.
She pulled three ready-made turkey sandwiches out of the middle cupboard and served them to the group, along with small bowls of soup.
"I knew it!" said Nate. The trio began to eat their dinners. Booey stopped and looked over at Mother Fox. He frowned. "Don't you want any?" he asked her.
"No thank you, but you are such a darling for thinking of me."
Booey blushed for a moment as she smiled at him, then returned to his chicken sandwich.
"So what have the three of you been up to today?" she asked.
"We pulled weeds and helped Albatross," said Booey.
"Well, that sounds like fun," Kit said as she combed a few of Skunk's twisted hairs back into place. "It's amazing to me how the three of you can be so different, yet be so alike."
"How do you mean, Mother Fox?" asked Booey.
"Well, Skunk is little and he loves fruits and nuts, while Nate will eat about anything. Last but not least, Gus likes the mud and loves eating frogs and fish."
"Fish, fish, tons of fish," said Gus, "but chicken isn't anything to pass up."
Booey and Nate nodded in agreement as they ate their meals. The children slurped and gulped their food as Kit watched.
Booey placed his spoon on the table and thought for a second, "Why do you think we’re all so different?"
Kit rubbed her nose with one of her paws. "That's a good question. It's because we have different needs. You are small and furry and that makes you more of a woodsy type, while Gus is hard and scaly, and that makes him more suited for the swamp, like all alligators and crocodiles.
They continued their silence (except for munching and chewing) until Booey seemed to be struck in the head by another thought.
"Crocodiles?" he asked.
"Yes, crocodiles. They are just like Gus, but they are different."
"How are they different?" asked Booey.
Kit did not know. "Gus, do you know how alligators and crocodiles are different?"
Augustus Gator had not been listening to the conversation at all. As the room grew silent he knew Kit had just asked him a question and everyone else was waiting for an answer.
"Umm, could you repeat the question?" he said.
"How are alligators and crocodiles different?"
Gator looked around the room, hoping to find an answer. Gus didn’t know what a crocodile looked like. He wasn't even sure he had met one.
As luck would have it, Albatross had been strolling through the woods, making his usual stop by the Fox home. His beak poked through the window.
"Hello neighbors," he stated, "I see you are enjoying some dinner. I seem to have forgotten to eat."
"I don't have any sandwiches left, but I do have some soup. Would you like some?"
"What kind of soup do you have?"
"Arrowroot," answered Kit.
"What a coincidence! I was just thinking about Arrowroot soup." With that, the old bird came inside, keeping his head lowered, so it would not hit the ceiling.
He pulled up a chair between Gus and Nate.
"So, what's the hot topic of the afternoon?"
"We were trying to figure out the difference between alligators and crocodiles."
Albatross leaned far back in his chair and reached his feathered arms behind his head.
"Gus," he started, "I think, is different from alligators in that..."
"Um, excuse me," interrupted Gus, "but, I am an alligator."
"Yes, yes. As I was saying, Gus is different from crocodiles in that he is green and scaly and they are not..."
As Albatross looked around the room, he noticed everyone shaking their heads.
"What I meant to say was ‘they have beady eyes and…’"
Soon, it became clear Albatross didn’t know anything more than anyone else. In fact, little Nate fox was getting the idea Albatross Albatross had never seen a crocodile before. Nate even wondered if Albatross knew the difference between alligators and albatrosses.
"Just how many crocodiles do you know?" Nate asked the old bird.
"I know plenty of crocodiles," answered Albatross.
"Name one," said Nate.
"Stop it, Nate," scolded his mother.
"I just do," said Albatross.
"Harumph!" said Nate.
Kit stepped on Nate’s foot, gently reminding Nate to respect his elders.
"Nate, why don't you run along now?"
Nate looked at his mom, who was looking at him in a very unsettling way.
Gator quickly grabbed him by the arm and tugged him out the door. "Don’t worry about him. He’s always talking when he should be silent," said Gator.
"But it is quite a controversy," said Skunk as he rubbed his chin and struck a thoughtful pose.
"Controversy Schmontroversy," said Gus.
"Do you know what the difference is?" Booey asked him.
Gator did not know the differences, but he really did want to find out.
"I know, let's go ask Madger Badger," said Booey.
So they hiked through the woods in search of Madger Badger. And it wasn't very long at all before they ran into him. He was digging around at the top of the ridge leading down towards Beaver Pond.
"What are you looking for, Mister Badger?" asked Booey.
"A little bit of this, a little bit of that," he answered, not stopping to pull his head out from the ground to see who was talking to him.
"Can we ask you a question?" asked Booey.
"You already have, but go ahead and ask another," he said.
"Could you tell us the difference between alligators and crocodiles?"
"Yes, I can," said Madger Badger. He continued to dig while the children waited patiently for his answer.
Gus finally interrupted busy Madger Badger, "Well?"
"Well what?"
"Well, what is the difference between alligators and crocodiles?"
"You are still worried about that?"
Gator nodded his head.
"Oh, yes, that's right isn't it?" He looked at the children who stared blankly, and then he nodded to himself, "yes, that is right."
"It’s very easy, actually. Alligator starts with A. Crocodile starts with C."
The children stood there, waiting for more, but Madger told them all he was going to tell them at this point. He had holes to dig and grub worms to eat. "Run along now. It's always this way with things, a little information is never enough."
"But wouldn’t you want to know where you came from and what made you what you are?" asked Gus.
Madger Badger stood upright and looked at Gus Gator.
"Well, that is quite a question indeed," he said.
Madger stood next to Gus, looking him up and down. He poked Gus here and he poked Gus there, investigating the small green reptile.
"Close your mouth for me," asked Madger. Gus snapped his jaw shut.
"Uh-hum. Yes. I see," said Madger as he continued looking Gus over. He tapped on Gus’ teeth. "When an alligator closes his mouth, you can’t see his teeth, like we can see yours. Also, alligators have short, round snouts."
"But Gus’ nose is long and narrow," said Booey.
"Yes it is," said Nate.
"Also, alligators have longer legs than you do. Also, they have wider bodies."
"So I am bigger than the average alligator?" he asked.
"Most crocodiles are," answered Madger.
"So you're trying to say I am a crocodile?" asked Augustus Alligator.
"I'm not trying to say that you’re a crocodile. I am saying it. You’re a crocodile."
"I’m a what?"
"A crocodile."
"How do you know?"
"How do you know you're not?"
Now Gus was a bit perplexed. He didn't know if he was a crockogator or an allodile. Worse yet, he might even be an allicrockogatodile. He felt a bit queasy at the thought of it.
"But Albatross said..." argued Gus.
"Albatross has said many things. I wouldn’t count on many of them being correct. Albatross’ beak moves faster than his brain."
All three children had to agree with him on that; Albatross didn't seem to know much about alligators or crocodiles.
So it had been settled and Augustus Gator was no Gator at all.
"Should we call you Augustus Crocodile now?" asked Booey.
"Maybe you should change your name. How about Cornelius Crocodile?" suggested Nate.
"How about we just let it go for a moment, shall we?" Cornelius Crocodile...er um...Augustus Crocodile said to Booey.
Finally, they were done asking questions of Madger Badger, and Madger Badger went on his way while the children went on their own.
"Hey Corny?" Booey asked Gus.
"If you don't quit now Stinkpot, I am going to hop up and down on you until you can't breathe."
"If you try to hop up and down on me Corny, I'll squirt you with perfume until you can't breathe."
Gus Gator reaffirmed who was going to tell who what to do by giving a firm punch in the arm to the much smaller Booey Skunk.
"Ouch!" yelped Booey.
"That was a baby tap," said Gus.
"That's some baby tap," said Nate.
"If you don't watch it, you'll get a baby tap of your own," growled Gus.
"Jeez, can't even take a joke."
"No, I can't," said Gus Gator, er, Crocodile, er Gus Nottagator, who was probably never going to be called anything but Gus Gator by Booey and Nate from now on, if they knew what was good for them.
With that said, the three friends parted ways as night fell over the forest and their tired bodies demanded some quiet time. At least until tomorrow, that is.